Networking is such an important professional skill to have. And since the ways in which we communicate with one another continue to become more digital, maintaining strong interpersonal relationships in the real world is more essential than ever. But not everyone can cold call a lead or start a conversation with complete strangers, and if you're an introverted type, networking with others can be especially difficult. Luckily, Amy Spurling of the Boston Founder Institute has written this blog post about how anyone - even introverts - can master the intricacies of networking.
The blog post, "Introverted Networking: 5 Keys to Survival", has been republished with permission.
There are some people who have a gift for working a room. We all know at least one of them - the life of the party who can walk into any room, no matter how many people are there, and know everyone by the end of the night. If you are one of these people, I'm incredibly jealous. I am not one of you.
People are always surprised when I tell them that I'm incredibly introverted and naturally quite shy because I have a sizeable network. These are also people who haven't seen me at a large networking function and have not witnessed the horror of my attempt at moving around a room. I am typically caught in a corner with the wallflowers and have no idea how to extricate myself from the painful conversation with some guy who is contemplating getting a cat. I've considered gnawing off an arm.
It's an odd and unnatural (IMO) situation - akin to speed dating. We all know we are there to meet as many people as possible, but as an introvert I find it hard to gracefully exit and move to the next person. I feel as though I am telling the person I'm speaking with that they are no longer interesting to me and I'd like to move on to someone else (although in the case with the cat guy, this was actually true). Even though that is not what I am trying to tell the person, and we both know they are there for the same reason, when you put two introverts in a conversation, awkwardness frequently ensues. Sidenote: It would be amazing if there was a code word we all knew ("Fetch?") and could use to signify that we are moving along to the next person, but let the current person know that we are in no way devaluing our conversation with them.
Until that reaches critical mass, below are five tips to building and maintaining a network while avoiding unnecessary anxiety.
1. Don't wait until you need a network to build one. - My networks consists of a very random assortment of contacts. I am a firm believer that you should never turn down an opportunity to meet someone new. You never know where it will lead. I have hired some amazing people because I happened to be casually chatting with their spouse about something completely unrelated and they came up in conversation. I have found out about fantastic new companies over coffee with bankers. I have found mentors in people who I interviewed with earlier in my career (but did not end up working with). Don't assume that just because someone isn't in a company you want to work for right now or can't directly help you get a job that they are not someone you should be meeting. If you wait until you are looking for a new job to start building your network, you are toast.
2. Define your comfort zone. - Do you do find it easier to meet people 1:1? Are you more or less comfortable over coffee/lunch/drinks? Do you struggle to maintain a conversation for more than 30 minutes? Answers to questions like these can help you zero in on what type of interaction will be the easiest to navigate. For me personally, I love 1:1 interactions because I can get to know a person so much better than in a large group. I really value getting to know a person, not just collecting names that I will likely not remember.
3. Build solid relationships through repeated interactions. - You get a C- for meeting someone once for coffee. To really build a solid network, you need to engage with people on a deeper level. This can only happen as you spend more time with a person. That doesn't mean you need to email them every week asking about their kids - but at least once or twice a year (monthly or quarterly for those in closer contact), try to connect with people who you find interesting or informative. People rarely call themselves your "mentor" - but that is the relationship you build over time if you actively seek advice from those who have been there/done that. For me people fall into different categories - peers, mentors, rockstar up and comers, industry experts, etc. What is consistent is that after years of regular interactions, I'd call most of these people my friends. There is a bond that is built when you foster an ongoing relationship. That is far more valuable than driving up your business card count at a 500 person event.
4. Help others at least twice as much as you ask for something in return. - I regularly meet at least 10 (and currently closer to 25) people for coffee, a walk, a chat, lunch, drinks, etc every week. Some of these people are looking for jobs, some are interested in my industry, some have a new company that I want to learn about, etc. The purpose for meeting can be any number of things. Unless you are trying to sell me something, I quite literally never say no to meeting (and even then I occasionally say yes). I have met so many amazing people because of this. As I start to connect with people, my first thought is "how can I help you?". This could be an intro to a company I know is hiring, an industry expert to help them learn about something in particular or someone similar to themselves going through a career shift. I spend more time trying to connect others than I do trying to help myself. This creates an organic network expansion as you will quickly be known as someone who can connect others. By the time you actually need something yourself, you will have built a network of people who are more than happy to refer you into someone they know.
5. Utilize the buddy system. - If a large networking event is unavoidable, take a buddy. This can be a coworker or other contact. This gives you someone to talk to should there be a lull in the evening, but is actually a great way to help each other meet more people as well. It is far less uncomfortable to introduce a friend to a group (even if you don't know a group) than it is to wiggle in on your own. If you pick someone with a different network than your own, then chances are you will each know people at the event and can pull each other into (and out of!) conversations to meet new people. If you find that you are going to these events time and again and just talking to one or two coworkers you are with all day long, you're wasting your time though.
People view networking differently - to some it is building a massive database of names - and for some that may be useful. To me building a network is to really foster relationships with people - that is how I learn about and from them. Without an ulterior motive other than learning, it is much easier to engage with people in a genuine fashion. That in and of itself can help bring down anyone's social anxiety.
If you could benefit from even more startup insights, apply to the Boston Founder Institute today!
(business, people, international communication, headhunting and technology concept - close up of hands pointing finger to tablet pc computer screen with world map and internet contacts network on table image by Shutterstock)
